When Children Lie, Parents Hurt

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My heart is hurting this morning. Hurts. Aches. As a parent, there is little that hurts us more than to see our children in pain…especially when it feels like you are the cause. Today one of my girls lied to me – about something small. In fact, she’s been lying to me all week…and possibly for longer.

It’s not the first time and she’s not the first one of the girls to do it, so today it just went all over me. I hate lies. I will not tolerate lying. I have said it over and over and over again (often rambling, I’m sure) – Jon & I simply will not accept anything but the truth.

I am always so shocked when they lie and they both do it …with frighteningly more frequency recently. And it does hurt. It hurts when you catch them in a lie – it feels a little like a failure on your part as the parent.

We’ve been through it all before, they both know that it is inappropriate and not at all acceptable behavior. They know they’ll get in less trouble telling the truth than if they lie. And yet, here we are, still we are dealing with these issues.

It’s not even like they’re lying about big things (yet); it’s always small things like who sprayed the water on the mirror or if they took their medicine that day. Today the girls and I had a discussion trust. If I can’t trust them to tell me the truth on the small things, how can I trust them to tell me the truth on the big things or even be away from me afterschool?

How do I get through to them? How do I nip this in the bud?

Today the daughter that lied about her inhaler will miss out on her afterschool activity. I explained that she can’t participate today due to her dishonesty and for her to be allowed to participate further she would need to show me she could be responsible and honest.

So help me, what do you do when your kiddos lie?

About Amanda

Amanda has written 720 post in this blog.

Join me as I raise 2 small people in rural Kentucky, learn with me about becoming a “greener” family, laugh and cry about life’s journey, and maybe find some good deals and people who are doing it right along the way. This blog is dedicated to following our crazy beautiful lives through word, photo, and song. Send me an email: amanda(at)highimpactmom(dot)com

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Overwhelmed.

BarbHoyer 5 pts

I'm smack in the middle of raising 5 kids. Lying is tough to deal with. I have found that sometimes the offender doesn't realize they are lying about something. One of my sons recently hid his younger brother's favorite lovey, and forgot all about what he did and where he hid it. He wasn't lying on purpose; he just forgot. Finding the the lovey sparked the memory. It's frustrating, and I know my son's heart.

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HomemakersDaily 9 pts

It sounds like you're doing all you can. You can't MAKE them tell the truth but you can make it unpleasant when you know they are lying to you. And if you are consistent, hopefully they'll get the message eventually.

As a parent who is done raising kids, I can tell you that some of those things that were SO upsetting at the time don't seem like such a big deal now. I found something in my journal about how my son had done one thing after another one day and I was afraid he was a bad seed. Wow! Talk about an overreaction. He's 25 and turned out just fine.

The bottom line is that kids lie. That's all there is to it. Once in a while you come across one who doesn't, but most of them do. Don't take it personally. Don't assume you've done something wrong or that your kids are bad. Kids lie. The important thing is that you don't allow it, you express your disappointment and you provide consequences EVERY SINGLE TIME they lie. Kids will always see what they can get away with and it's your job as a parent to teach them the right way. But it takes time and multiple lessons. Sounds like you're doing a good job.

When Children Lie….What Do You Do?

About Amanda